is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
