why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
