Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
