I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
