I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize