end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
