I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
