i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
