I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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