new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
