after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
