So drunk its hurt
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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