So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
