mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
