I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my liver is dry heaving
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
