i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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