are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
