We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
