There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
