Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
