Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
