OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
