I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize