my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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