Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
