Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
