I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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