I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize