I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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