Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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