just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
