Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
