bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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