Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
