I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We need to get me chipped asap
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