hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
