Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
