My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
