just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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