at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
