Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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