How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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