I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
