my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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