So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm too high and old for this...
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