I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
