yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
