So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
