I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
