so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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