Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You ruined the universe
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
