that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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