Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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