Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Liz is crying about burritos again.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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