whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
