I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
