Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
