okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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