First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
