youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
