I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize