Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was born a porn star she said
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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