Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
