Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
