Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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