Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
