did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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