my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
