If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
