Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
