Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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