He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
