you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
