Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
