I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sobbing to NWA
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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