he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize