he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
