Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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