Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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