no, he came in my armpit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
