You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
