I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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