went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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