DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize