She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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