I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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