My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
