I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
