fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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