I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
