He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
